Passport Smashport

Where were we?

I'm at the Western Passport Center. I'm being informed that I indeed have enough time to get a standard expedited passport and have a few days to spare.

Now, I believe I have demonstrated through this body of text that I do indeed have the capacity to fuck up, despite my surecockedness about how awesome I am. At this point, I've figured this out. I tell the man behind the bulletproof glass that I would like a little more wiggle room than that. He says that he has people here that are leaving the country in 3 days, why should he clog up the system with one that can potentially wait.

At this point, I'm getting pretty sick and tired of people telling me they won't do something. I tell him the truth, "Look, man, I think I got everything figured out, but I've thought that before and been wrong. You know and I know that things often don't go as planned and often times there's hitches and hiccups. I can't be doing this last minute. I've had a hell of a week, and I just need a win man. Things have just been falling apart, and I'm to blame for some of that, but you can help make my week better. I need this win. Just help me out, please."

He takes all my papers, straightens them all out, and says, "You'll have your passport by Saturday." Speach Skill level up!

"AT MY HOME!?" He looks at me a little sideways, "Yes, in your very own mailbox, so is that check or card?"

"Cash, I don't have a card that works right now."

He looks at me, "Guess you have had a rough week."

If it wasn't for the 1.5 inches of bulletproof glass between us I would have kissed that man. As it was I left there with hope. The 2008 presidential campaign had nothing on this feeling. I knew I wasn't out of the woods yet, but at least I had fire.

Resolve

In my teenage years and twenties, I always thought that if you were supposed to be doing something then it would come easy. Doors would just open for you. You wouldn't have to go up to the door, find it locked, wiggle the handle only to have the handle come off, get a bunch of tools to fix it then end up kicking it down anyway. As soon as I started encountering resistance to something I was trying to accomplish I would say, "That's okay, there's something else I can be doing." and just walk away.

Then I realized something. I hated where I was. I didn't know how I'd gotten there and I for damn sure didn't know how to get out. Depression set in, heavy drinking started. Nights spent sobbing.

It wasn't until I surrendered myself completely that an answer came. I remember the night. Sitting on the stairs inside my house soaking wet because I had walked home from the bar in the rain. Head in my hands.

That night the question changed. I had been asking myself for months, "What am I going to do?" Now, I asked, "What am I supposed to do?" The answer flashed across my brain like a bolt of lightning, a thought that wasn't my own. "You've always wanted to fly." I purchased a Groupon that night. My life was forever changed.

From that moment on, no matter what resistance I faced, no matter who or what stood in my way, I was going to accomplish my goals. I have been tested, and I have sacrificed. I haven't always won. Resolve was the name of the game.

Sorry, that was a long intro.

So the school in China didn't like the FBI background check. I asked them about a local clearance from Tempe. Had to be state level they informed me. I stewed on it for a day while I waited. Finally, I told the school in China that the FBI background was just going to have to do. They finally agreed.

So now it was a game of hurry up and wait. Get the FBI background check back and sent it that day to the US State Department to get authenticated, which in and of itself was an ordeal. Go to the Post Office on tax day and pack up two envelopes so they can mail it back. Bring in the wrong document to mail and have to get back in line. You know, the usual stuff.

All mailed and tracked, now comes the waiting part. In the meantime, I better do life stuff like wash my clothes with my passport in the pocket. Then not notice and dry the passport too...

Apparently, if you get passports wet the back cover starts to peel in half. You'd think they'd be more durable, and easier to glue. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the highest quality glue sticks I could get my hands on which worked great, for 2 days. Then as soon as I bent the passport the glue cracked and it started to peel again. Time to do what I do best, research random shit.

Let me tell you about the world of adhesives. Oh boy. You got the non-reactives, which are further divided into drying, pressure-sensitive, contact, and hot; and I'll tell you that reading some of these articles the topic of adhesives gets some people hot around the collar, lemmetellyaboyeee. The reactives don't have as many. Multi-part, pre-mixed and frozen, and one part. Guys, did you know you can glue two cars together with the right mix. YOU CAN REPAIR AIRPLANES WITH GLUE AND THEY DO! Think about that next time you get on that flight to Cabo. Don't even get me started on the preparations of surfaces, that's where the resin meets the reactant.

I go in for round two, this time armed with knowledge. And this time it works. One problem, it still looks like it's been run through a washing machine, and is a little crunchy when you bend it. Everything sticks together, but let us get real, do I want to risk it?

So now, a drive to Tucson is in order. To go to the western passport center. It's been a shitty week, and now I have more bureaucracy to deal with. Let's hope this story has a happy ending.