Endurance

You can tell a lot about a country by how their customs operate.

Canada, the US, Guatemala and Honduras at least, they want to know what you're bringing in. Sure you need a passport but they ask you if you have this that or the other thing. Also where you visited and where you're going.

Nobody at Shanghai Pudong ever asked me what was in my bag. Nobody on the plane passed out a customs sheet to claim anything. What they did do is make me fill out a form that wanted to know exactly where I was staying, for how long, etc... What they did do was fingerprint me twice as well as take a photo. Stand in line forever. All of this before baggage claim. When I did get my bags I walked through the exit. That's it. I could have brought anything.

Conclusion. China wants you to feel watched. China cares more about control than somebody bringing in too much alcohol or cocaine. I'm not really surprised, I was just stunned that nobody was even there to stop anyone and ask questions about "what's in the bag?"

The adventure. Oh boy. So after being at the airport 3 hours early and then flying and traveling for 16 hours, I arrive in Shanghai. I could never tell you if Shanghai is beautiful, picture attached of what I saw.

So I fill out this form and can't find the address of the school. I had paid for internet earlier in the flight but it had expired. No cell service, no internet, no problem. Shanghai Pudong is a modern international airport, they will for sure have Wi-Fi. I get in and sure enough, bingo. You need a phone number to get a code texted to you with a login key. Fubar. There's also a kiosk option too. All of the kiosks are on the other side of customs...

For someone who's never read the book "Catch 22" I am very familiar with the term thank you very much.

This is fine. I've been up for 20 hours, I can handle this. I ask the guy that was sitting next to me on the plane, "Hey, how important is this address?" He answers, "Uh, they'll send you back."

"Really?"

"Yeah, no joke. I've seen it happen."

This is fine.jpeg

Plan, get in line and find a person around me with internet access to look up the address of the school. It's a good plaaaann great plan.

So here's the rub. I'm an American. I know, shocker. I try not be your stereotypical American though. I try to research and be sensitive to other cultures when I go to visit them and whatnot. I do, however, fall into some classic American traps. For example. Like most, if not all of the people around you are going to speak English, especially if they're white. I warn you now good sirs and madams, this assumption will leave you with deep disappointment and sadness in the customs line at Shanghai Pudong. "Mi Scusi?"

So now I have to duck out of line and talk to a bunch of strangers. A bunch of strangers. Finally, I find a cool cat from Scotland who'll hook me up. Get it all inked in. Remember all those bunches of people I mentioned before? They come into play now.

Now the line is at least twice as long as it was before. I'm sweating from nervousness and 111% humidity. Finally get to the front and I was so focused on the address part I forgot to fill out the other half of the form. I managed to do that from memory though.

Being as delayed as I was the carousel that had been carrying my baggage was now being used for another plane, how rude! And the Chinese, being the efficient and friendly operation that they are, have removed my bags and taken them into the back. Another line!

It took me an hour and a half to finally get out of that nightmare of my own causing and through customs. My poor driver had been waiting a total of two hours. Bless that tiny Chinese man. If he had been gone there's no telling what I would have done in the effort to get the Chinese to deport me.

He informs me that because I was late now there's traffic, it'll be three hours to Zhangjiagang, but he encourages me to sleep.

I have a theory. The horn was invented in China. I think this because they seem to be very proud of it, and seem to have perfected making them as loud as a hyena orgy. There was no sleep in that car.

Finally, I get to the apartment complex. 25 hours later. I'm met by my contact and sponsor, Evangeline and another teacher from the school. They dote on me. They try and accommodate me. They offer to take me out for food. They are very nice and I am very tired. I don't want to go buy a bunch of water I need beddy by. So they show me to my apartment building. My apartment, it's on the fifth floor, and I only have 80 pounds of luggage strapped to my body and in my hands. Never skip leg day kids.

You may not believe me but I did it in one go. I've never been so sweaty in my life. Evangeline tries to show me what all the switches and buttons inside the apartment do. I tell her to just show me how the A/C works and I'll press all the buttons in the morning. The good news is there is, in fact, A/C, and each bedroom has it's own unit. There has never been greater news. I show the ladies the door. I use the complimentary bar of soap that they gave me in my welcome kit as shampoo, face wash, and body wash, not having the energy to search my bags for the bathroom supplies I bought. I set my alarm and lay naked on the bed without having dried off, having not bothered to look for a towel either. I then fall into what is probably the deepest and most restful sleep I have ever had. I am then woken up 11 hours later by what can only be a car driving into a 20-foot diameter gong over and over.

I am not even mad.

Preparation

Less than two weeks.

I can't tell you how many people have asked me if I'm all packed up. No. No, I'm not. I still have to exist in the days before I move. Let me just put my bed in storage and pack up all my underwear and live out of a suitcase for over a week. I'll be doing that soon enough.

When going to a country like China there are other preparations. Like finding VPN's that work and getting them pre-loaded. Making sure the documents you triple checked are quadruple checked so they let you out of the airport. Making sure your bank doesn't freak out and lock down all your accounts. Figuring out how you're gonna stay in touch with friends and family (Skype: caboose2006. WeChat: caboose2006. Reddit: caboose2006. Steam: caboose2006. At least I'm consistent. ) What about your mail? How about recurring bills? Packing is very very low on my agenda, and yes Kim my room's a mess. I'm cleaning everything when everything's out of here. Sheesh.

Starting Monday things will be moving very fast for me. That's T-minus 1 week. All of you are gonna want to get your goodbyes and farewells in. I may not have time, don't take it personally. All of you are welcome to come run errands with me. All of you are welcome to keep me company while I pack. And all of you are welcome to help me move my shit into Erin's' garage (pizza and beer provided).

You are all wonderful and beautiful people.

Best Wishes,

Tim

Sometimes you're the windshield...

...and sometimes you're the bug.

So I've been kinda quiet. I ended that last blog on a good note, that's the reason it was so short. The BS since then, oh man. I didn't want to bombard you with post after post of setback after setback. So here's one long post. Remeber, shipwrecks serve as a warning for others kids.

I got all my paperwork into the consulate. They did not like my FBI background check. The consulate wanted my FBI background check, which had already been authenticated through the US State Department, to be authenticated from the state of Arizona. The good folks at the Office of the Secretary of State for Arizona would not touch it.  So I used my background check from the Tempe Police department. Somehow that one was better than the one from the FBI. Fine, whatever.

Scan all the documents and send them to my sponsors in China. At this point, if everything goes as planned I should have my visa in hand with 4 days to spare before my May 29th departure date. I didn't hear from my sponsor in China for almost a week after I turned my paperwork in. She was on vacation and I only had her e-mail. Fine, I can still pay an arm and a leg for rush visa service.

There's a problem, there's a document that I need to fill out that I had no idea about. Half in Chinese and half in English. Fine, I fill out the English part and send it back. Next day they let me know I also have to fill out the part in Chinese. Fine, fill it out and send it back. Then, apparently, the FEB, the outfit that reviews all this shit in China, wants me to ask a notary to do something really uncomfortable for them. They want a notary to add the sentence to my already authenticated document copies that the original document is an authentic and genuine original. I go to three notaries, and all of them say the same thing. That's not their job and they don't want to get "Pained and Gained". I also posted for help on Facebook and a friend commented: "Trying to Pain and Gain someone?". I had no idea what any of these yaywhos were talking about so I rented the movie "Pain and Gain."

"Pain and Gain" is a movie about real events that happened in Miami in the 90s. In the movie, a group of bodybuilders kidnaps a rich guy and gets him to sign documents turning over his assets to the bodybuilders. The part we're concerned about is after the fact, the bodybuilders bribe a notary to notarize the signed documents and the notary gets in a lot of trouble, 15 years in prison. Aside now aside, let's move on.

At this point, the May 29th departure date is a friggin dream. Not gonna happen.

I ask my sponsor for an example of what they want. She sends me a picture of a "notary" from Delaware, where everything is handwritten, and there's no notary stamp.  I show this example to some notaries I had been dealing with at a local bank and they both agree, it looks janky as fuck. Delaware definitely has a stamp, anyone could have written that, and it's probably not legit.

So now I have the words "and the original is an authentic and genuine document" handwritten on all my authenticated copies. Weird how I was able to get that done after having so much trouble.

Now for the plane ticket. I call the peeps and they tell me I can transfer the ticket and pay the difference, I cannot get a refund. I tell them I don't have a date and could I just get like, store credit. No dice. So I hope and pray. I pester my sponsor for some kind of date, any kind. She says that it's not a good idea. She's done dozens of these and she's never had this much trouble getting someone their work permit. We should just wait till the work permit is done. No telling what else could go wrong!

May 30th, "Great news! Your work permit went through! I'm sending you paperwork to print and send to the consulate for your Visa! Go ahead and buy a ticket. Preferably before the 29th of June but after the 23rd. So excited to work with you!"

Now, the more astute among you will have noticed something. May 30th is in fact after May 29th. What happened with that first ticket you ask? Let's just say, normally when I eat $560, I have food for a couple months.

The past is now the past. I have a plane ticket for the 25th of June and my Z visa in my passport. I have a place to store my stuff (Thanks Erin) and a buyer for my motorcycle (Thanks dude from Alabama, I forget your name right now) and someone to take care of the car (Thanks Ruffentines!)

So I'm going, finally. I remember my sponsor telling me that you could get all the paperwork done in two months. That is a lie. Either that or you're rich and just bribe everyone. I was one more setback away from just bald face asking my sponsor who to bribe. Luckily I didn't have to do that.

So I love you all. I will be posting occasionally, stay classy.