Sometimes you're the windshield...

...and sometimes you're the bug.

So I've been kinda quiet. I ended that last blog on a good note, that's the reason it was so short. The BS since then, oh man. I didn't want to bombard you with post after post of setback after setback. So here's one long post. Remeber, shipwrecks serve as a warning for others kids.

I got all my paperwork into the consulate. They did not like my FBI background check. The consulate wanted my FBI background check, which had already been authenticated through the US State Department, to be authenticated from the state of Arizona. The good folks at the Office of the Secretary of State for Arizona would not touch it.  So I used my background check from the Tempe Police department. Somehow that one was better than the one from the FBI. Fine, whatever.

Scan all the documents and send them to my sponsors in China. At this point, if everything goes as planned I should have my visa in hand with 4 days to spare before my May 29th departure date. I didn't hear from my sponsor in China for almost a week after I turned my paperwork in. She was on vacation and I only had her e-mail. Fine, I can still pay an arm and a leg for rush visa service.

There's a problem, there's a document that I need to fill out that I had no idea about. Half in Chinese and half in English. Fine, I fill out the English part and send it back. Next day they let me know I also have to fill out the part in Chinese. Fine, fill it out and send it back. Then, apparently, the FEB, the outfit that reviews all this shit in China, wants me to ask a notary to do something really uncomfortable for them. They want a notary to add the sentence to my already authenticated document copies that the original document is an authentic and genuine original. I go to three notaries, and all of them say the same thing. That's not their job and they don't want to get "Pained and Gained". I also posted for help on Facebook and a friend commented: "Trying to Pain and Gain someone?". I had no idea what any of these yaywhos were talking about so I rented the movie "Pain and Gain."

"Pain and Gain" is a movie about real events that happened in Miami in the 90s. In the movie, a group of bodybuilders kidnaps a rich guy and gets him to sign documents turning over his assets to the bodybuilders. The part we're concerned about is after the fact, the bodybuilders bribe a notary to notarize the signed documents and the notary gets in a lot of trouble, 15 years in prison. Aside now aside, let's move on.

At this point, the May 29th departure date is a friggin dream. Not gonna happen.

I ask my sponsor for an example of what they want. She sends me a picture of a "notary" from Delaware, where everything is handwritten, and there's no notary stamp.  I show this example to some notaries I had been dealing with at a local bank and they both agree, it looks janky as fuck. Delaware definitely has a stamp, anyone could have written that, and it's probably not legit.

So now I have the words "and the original is an authentic and genuine document" handwritten on all my authenticated copies. Weird how I was able to get that done after having so much trouble.

Now for the plane ticket. I call the peeps and they tell me I can transfer the ticket and pay the difference, I cannot get a refund. I tell them I don't have a date and could I just get like, store credit. No dice. So I hope and pray. I pester my sponsor for some kind of date, any kind. She says that it's not a good idea. She's done dozens of these and she's never had this much trouble getting someone their work permit. We should just wait till the work permit is done. No telling what else could go wrong!

May 30th, "Great news! Your work permit went through! I'm sending you paperwork to print and send to the consulate for your Visa! Go ahead and buy a ticket. Preferably before the 29th of June but after the 23rd. So excited to work with you!"

Now, the more astute among you will have noticed something. May 30th is in fact after May 29th. What happened with that first ticket you ask? Let's just say, normally when I eat $560, I have food for a couple months.

The past is now the past. I have a plane ticket for the 25th of June and my Z visa in my passport. I have a place to store my stuff (Thanks Erin) and a buyer for my motorcycle (Thanks dude from Alabama, I forget your name right now) and someone to take care of the car (Thanks Ruffentines!)

So I'm going, finally. I remember my sponsor telling me that you could get all the paperwork done in two months. That is a lie. Either that or you're rich and just bribe everyone. I was one more setback away from just bald face asking my sponsor who to bribe. Luckily I didn't have to do that.

So I love you all. I will be posting occasionally, stay classy.