Assuming, it killed the cat.

What would you say your biggest weakness is? It's a common job interview question. "Oh jeeze, I just work too darn hard sometimes teehee."

I've figured mine out. I assume I know more than I do, and I'm usually pretty confident about that knowledge. It bites me in the ass and this time it bit me hard.

Here's another trait of mine, I try to deal with government agencies and representatives as little as possible. I'll pay good money to have somebody else deal with them. I feel this is a pretty common sentiment. So when it came to doing a background check I decided to find a Federal Credit Reporting Agency accredited background check company. A private company.

So when the state wouldn't authenticate the document I was flabbergasted. The main reason they gave me was that the document had federal information on it and they could not verify the results of federal stuff. They recommended I go walk into any police station to obtain a background check. So I did, they sent me to the Arizona Department of Public Safety (DPS). Here I would receive the thing I had been seeking, a state level background check, from officials at the state. 

At the DPS the lady behind the bulletproof glass was very helpful. She got me a number for the fingerprinting unit and let them know I was here to see them. After about a two minute wait they called me into a small room with fancy machines. 

Now, anyone here a CSI fan? Then you'll have a good picture in your head of who greeted me. She looked like a stereotypical supporting forensic investigator in a CSI type show. "The fingerprint lady". Like they really need to cast her. She had bobby cut pink hair. Pink glasses frames that match her hair. Several facial piercings but not overdone. A wrist tattoo, but you know she has more covered up. Clothing that was juuusssst professional enough. If the description seems very detailed that's because I literally couldn't believe my eyes. I kept expecting her to start spouting off random facts about fingerprints. "Did you know Koalas have fingerprints too?"

Anyway, we get to talking and I volunteer the information that I was using this to get a visa. CSI Pheonix told me that that was going to be a problem. You see, in the state of Arizona the fingerprints and background check provided by the DPS cannot be used for the purposes of employment, adoption, immigration, or obtaining a visa. It's a class 4 felony and you can go to jail. I thought she must not be serious but she showed me the official paper stating as such. I could, however, get a piece of paper notarized stating that I can't get a background check.

Welp, there's no two ways about it, looks like I'm going to have to get the one from the FBI. That's sure to work. It's from the highest law enforcement agency in the country! So a little research and find a company that will scan my fingerprints and send them to the FBI, superfast! I go to the place and pay the thing and take a deep breath and relax.

Two hours later I get an e-mail from my contract at the school in China. She tells me to not even bother getting FBI background check, seeing as the province she's in won't accept it.

At this point, I start checking my closets for Ashton Kutcher because now I know I'm being Punk'd.